Life keeps moving, even when you stop

So the focus of my summer has been studying to conquer this 'thing'. I've been saying i don't have a life but the fact is i've been saying that since being at DU. I tell myself i'll work on that when i'm done with this but the fact of the matter is while i'm working on this, that is still very much existent, and as i move along the x axis of life and the t axis, that also moves.
That means i need to multitask, to deal with this and that.
Talking to a friend, who's like an older sister to me, made me realize while i'm engrossed in just one thing this summer, life is moving, along with everything in it. Question is, what will the displacement be when i stop to look around?
lesson learned is better start looking around now.

There's pain in knowledge

I find it hard watching someone fight a losing battle in a movie because i know they're not going to win and i tell myself they're better off saving their energy.
I find it heartbreaking watching myself fight a battle i think i'm going to lose looking back at all the times i've failed in the past. It's quite depressing, in fact. Do i throw my hands up in the air or do i keep on fighting hoping for a miracle? What are the chances of a miracle looking at the past. But then again, do i forget about the past, realize it's a new day and keep fighting till the fight is over and i'm declared a loser. Just the thought sends tears pouring. I find it soo hard to give up. On a road where failure has popped up certain times, attaining success does not just require a miracle, it demands one. I feel like i wouldn't be surprised it i end up with Queen's result despite all the work i've put in. Sure, I might cry or hold the tears inside, but i won't be surprised. The pain in knowing the truth is that it hurts, it cuts like a knife. Ignorance surely is bliss.

Stagnant

i feel like i've slacked the entire month of july. i feel like i've done nothing. Maybe it's because i don't see much of a progress. It's pretty discouraging. I'm not sure what i'm going to do. Christ have mercy

The song of the Cebu oops Miami

In the song of the Cebu, larry starts with a slideshow of pictures where he goes "this is me and my aunt ruth, this is me fighting a bull, this is me and the bull and i think that's the bull's cousin,..." at some point, the audience see something bad on the slideshow that isn't supposed to be there and Larry goes "forget about that one." and they show audieces like junior and the gourds trying to shake thier heads and narrow their eyes in surprise.
So a colleague of mine goes to miami, didn't work on my floor last night but i came down sometime during the night and asked how her trip was and she goes awesome. so she asks would you like to see some pictures and i go "sure."
The whole "picture showing" thing was much like Larrys. 3 audiences gathered around my friend with her digicam and she going "this guy is soo fabulous,blah, blah, blah..." and each time i 'll get the camera to get a closer look. after a couple tries i just stood behind like everyone else and watched do her little slideshow. Till we get to the part where she goes "this guy invited us to his pool party" and the next picture that comes up afterwards is a naked guy with 3 of them in bikini and then she hits the back button like Larry going forget about that one. Soon as i saw that picture,the slideshow was over for me. Yes i see naked people all the time at work but i don't take delight in seeing stuff like that out so i walked off the floor but to where i came from and everyone looked at me like "what's wrong?" For starters, i don't wish to see what else is on that camera. I like to guard eyes and ears.

Roller coaster ride

I took a look at the GRE stuff at BN today and ended up reading the verbal tips in TPR book instead. I thought that was helpful. Anyway, goal was to read kaplan to the aromatics, do corresponding EK and do topicals. done with 2 topicals out of 3. can't find the other one. I think i may jump on to acid bases for the remainder of the time and do the other one tomorrow. So far i've been focusion on ochem and come to think of it, i feel like there're only few questions on the subject on the exam. But anyeay, the more i practice, the more i learn and the more i realize that i learn from rationales because i get to apply rationales i learned earlier to new questions. Anyway, i still need a miracle and some icecream.

I really feel like giving up

honestly, i'm starting to think maybe i should quit and focus on the GRE for the next month and refocus on this so i take it next year. I've invested soo much time and money and the opportunity cost is not only enormous but it increases exponentially with time.
i spent my afternoon at bn and i couldn't do any physics. I feel like i need more time. Question is how much more time do i need? I've not had a life this summer thanks to studying for this. And to just throw my hands up in the air and walk away is just something i can't bring myself to do. I feel like it's one of those days when i need to hit the gym. Hopefully feel better

diagonistic

I called out of work today because i felt so sick and nauseated this morning that i had to lay in my car for a while before driving home. i took 2 extra strength tylenol before going to bed but i woke up with the headache (much better than before) and nausea. i really wanted to work this 3 day weekend simply for the fact that it would be a "full weekend pay" and also i'm saving my sick time for later. Could i ran around at work for 5 hours nonstop this evening? i don't think so. i've been sitting here and already the headache is starting to worsen.

On the bright side, i read over the verbal mastery book and i feel it helped me with the 4 practice passages i did this evening. i think it's better than the painless reading comprehension in that it's more curtailed to the college person who doesn't have time to look up too much words in a dictionary and need to know the need-to stuff. although painless reading has the same thing in it. thing is i did see some improvement today.

On a more gloomy note, i finally mustered the courage to take the kaplan diagnostic and i had a 53%. I did great in verbal, i seem to always to great in kaplans verbal but i heard they're a lot more easier than the real things so i'm not too excited. Bio had stuff on genetics and stuff that made me go HUH? and ochem had stuff on aromatics. Since i didn't read the chapter on aromatics, i bombed that part. My stereochemistry is solid so that's reassuring. Without going into details, let's just say i bombed the ps section. My brain is too tired to microanalyze the results to i'll do that later. Thaat said, i need to review hit the books because i've not been able to do any studing the last 2 days. i have a FL coming up and the recent diagnostic results is equally pathetic and scary. The only thing about the diagnostic is that it doesn't give you a raw score.
God, the more the day draws near, the more i feel i need a miracle greater than heaven and earth. Part of me feels like dump this, take the GRE and refocus in the fall. God knows i've invested soo much time, soo much energy and the opportunity costs is too enormous to just give up. Plus, i'm not a quitter. If it's bad on the day, i guess i can void or retake. Plus, who's to say i'll have the time in fall to invest in this when i've classes, work with lots of competencies and what nots to do.
So all things considered, this is my one good chance to hit it and hit it hard. I'm going to have stop slacking, and study hard.

post gym strategy

Back from the gym. i was on the threadmill for 15minutes and i've decided that i need to do countless number of problems in TPR and the kaplan topicals in addition to doing the questions in nova again. So, i'll go over nova twice. The other thing is that i need to think like i did in nursing school, in a 3D fashion not in 1D just so if they throw a question at me that incorporates different sujbects, i can answer it. These are just what i think. The important thing here is that i ask for God's blessings

Equally nervous and discouraged

So i did the nova physics and that brought my confidence up. i felt i finally understand the concepts and i do. i did 3 passages in TBR physics (phase I) and i feel pretty violated. So one, i forgot that something being thrown horizontally means vertical velocity is zero. Nova taught me that, how did i forget? i need to add that to my wall poster (Yep, i've posters on my wall now with facts i think i'm likely to forget, formulas and what nots. i'm starting to think i may need 2 for physics alone.)

Needless to say, TBR questions are pretty convulated.The only thing that compares are Dr Poyss' questions for adult health which makes me think i should've taken this exam right after nursing school simply cuz i knew how to think through convuluted stuff then and spot every trick. I guess i need to stimulate that part of my brain to wake up.

Anyway, i just got home. i'm equally depressed and nervous. I've decided to hit the gym after a 5 month hiatus and think up a strategy on the threadmill. Never in my life have i felt i need a complete miracle to pass an exam than now. Christ have mercy because i'm gonna need a little bit more than his help, i'm gonna need his doing, a complete miracle to pass this. off to the gym i go

Panicking

So i just took a TPR passage and got 3/7. That just sent me into panic mode. Christe Eleison for i can't do this bad on the test day. I've already completed a month's worth of intensive review and didn't do much of problems doing those times except for a few passages in TBR. Anyhoo, first thing i did was boot up this laptop and go the TPR website to see if they have any classes in july just in case. first time at content review as pretty much learning the stuff. So i decided to make these 2 weeks before july a quick review for gen chem and phys. The passage i did was on solutions so maybe the fact that i haven't reviewed solutions 2x may be part of the deal but for those questions that required reasoning, i'm worried about.
so i went to SDN and i read posts about people who've prepped for a month and are getting 20-something on their practice tests. I'm just afraid to hit any practice tests now till i master fluids.

so far, the 2nd go around for physics has been a joke as i've been very lazy lately but tonite's wake of panic has made reality set in and i'm going to bust my behind. I did master the last contents of phys from waves, E&M, sound, light and optics. basic mechanics and work i need a quick review and for fluids, i need a 2nd detailed review. gen chem i seem to be working a lot more on all i have to finish is solutions, thermodynamics, acid bases and redox.I haven't done the 2nd go around for ochem. I have to work tomorrow and i really need to work tomorrow. i've been cancelled every week the past 2 weeks and i can't afford to be cancelled again. Prior to that i was on (unpaid)vacation. God help me finish up gen chem tonight. it's 1:30 AM. i'll do couple passages till 2 and then do solutions, passages, acid bases, passages and finish the rest of chem tomorrow. We'll see.