a word of encouragement

Rev. Mensa Otabil posted this on facebook and i find it encouraging:

RUN YOUR RACE. While others rush in haste, STAY IN YOUR TRACK. Refuse to be envious of other people’s success. REJOICE WITH THOSE WHO REJOICE. Remember: Blowing out another's candle will not make yours shine brighter. Light your own candle. Some may step ahead of you but…BE AT PEACE WITH YOURSELF. God will not pass you by. YOUR DAY OF VISITATION IS COMING. You’re not late. You’re not behind. YOU WILL GET THERE!!!

Itunes

I don't like Itunes. i had an account 5 years ago. Anyway, i signed up again because i needed to download storyside B's be still and while i was at it, i figured why not get Peter Cetera's do you love me. That was over a month ago and i don't use itunes to play music. I use a different service for downloads.
Anyway, today, i get 3 unauthorized charges to my account. I only get receipt for one and i see the charges in my paypal account for 3 transactions. Looks like some fool got into my account. not sure how. I called chase and the customer service guy i spoke to said he had the same thing happen to him last week but itunes removed those charges. I find disputes with paypal and called their customer service and they said they'll reverse the charges in 3 days. Honestly, when this is all over, i'm cancelling my account and removing the itunes software from my computer. I don't trust apple, i don't trust itunes. It's a shame walmart and amazon didn't have what i was looking for. I'm glad i've never had any interest in the I's, whether ipod, ipad, iphone, iwhatever.

A silver lining

So my door wasn't fixed. They guy came and spent an hour and couldn't fix it. I actually had to get someone else to come in tonigh to fix it. but now it's fine.

I went down to the college to speak to Dr Cosby today. I'd mentioned to one of the students that i was looking for a research position and they said to speak to him as he'll know people at JHU. Well, it was great talking to him today. Great man, great insight, very knowledgeable. I got into 407 by the way and he mentioned that he was starting this program with 15 students who'll be going to the NIH to do research and what not. Guess what? I AM IN!
I think i need to work hard and skip precalc so i can just take calc online and have time to dedicate to other things. i think just 2 classes is ok. i really wanted to do histology but i think it's a good thing i'm not doing that this semester.
Anyhoo, despite the fact that everything seems to be going wrong, ALL is not wrong for here i have a silver lining.

A bloody nightmare!

My roommate moved out. i was happy, had a visitors over, changed my lower lock. Everything was fine. This guy kept repeating over, and over, don't lock yourself out. i told him i never lock myself out because i always lock my doors with my keys from the outside when i leave. Well, as i was seeking him off, he locks my door from the outside because he saw me holding my keys. I had my keys because i needed to get into my car. Here's the problem, the new keys weren't on my key chain so basically, he locked me out of my apartment and he was gone. A neighbor had to break me in. i called him to make him aware he locked me out. He tells me "i thought you had your keys."
What a nightmare. That's one way to describe my life these last couple of weeks - a bloody nightmare!

Can't wait

So i got myself into this mess. I made the mistake of not investigating my roommates background. Worse still, and everyone has mentioned this is the worst thing i did, was allow a nigerian, born here or not, the concensus is that they're all the same. I'm not holding my breath for someone to prove me wrong.
So now i play the waiting game, again. Waiting for thi devil to move out. Talk about a roommate from hell, this is it. Really. Part of me is really happy that i asked this devil to move out 2 weeks after he moved in. Should be out by saturday.
Right now, i'll let this fool have his course. just 2 more nights or one if we don't have to count this one. This time, the fact that i didn't think got me into the this mess. As always, i pray God gets me out. Sigh.

Oops, i tripped the circuit breaker

And boy oh boy. My room is very comfortable with the fan on. I shoulda thought of that last week instead of letting the fool get comfortable. No internet for him, i changed the network name and access password. And since comcast never came to install the digital cable, i'm curious to see how long this fool lasts in this heat, no internet and cable. All i need at this time is a dog to run around. A black mastiff preferably but since i don't think i can do a mastiff, i'm get a black whatever... forget what the name is but i asked my friend if i could borrow the dog for a while. We'll see.

Can't wait

so i had a lock put on my bedroom door. and i got someone to come hang around this place while i'm gone. Counting the days when my 2nd bedroom will be empty.

More drama

If i say i don't regret letting this fool into this apartment, i'd be telling a lie. I've been quiet for a while having him have his way. But tonight i said stuff back to him. If a person is black and american, they are black american. it doesn't matter their heritage. I didn't want that fool to think he could run around this place freely. I told him peter would come talk to him saturday and he starts going off. Then he goes i'm going to call the cops. i told him to go ahead. Based on my experience in philly, i know cops cannot do anything when it comes to tenancy issues. So i call 911 telling them he was threatening me. Police came over and lo and behold said they can't do anything. Fact of the matter is that this time, i told him to shut up, to leave, i talked back to him. I think he just realized i'm not as quiet as i appear to be and that i wasn't going to take his nonsense anymore so he got dressed and left out of this place. I had agreed i'll let PNC send him a check but no more. I'll write him one. In that case, if he reverses his i reverse mine. Even.
I spent the bulk of my evening trying to find someone on craigslist to teach this idiot a lesson but i'll let God run the course. I'm sure He can serve justice better than my revenge. Revenge may be sweet but i'll leave it to the Lord.
I fell so much better now. I feel a lot better knowing this roommate of mine is out of the house. I hope he doesn't come back tonight and i hope he moves soon.

Thank God for a new day

After all the drama my roommate was trying to create, i'm so glad it's a new day. And i'm glad i didn't buy into his stupidity. So i did think a little and i'm glad i told him to move out. Really, really glad. Last year, i decided to suck it up with my roommate and i couldn't wait for my lease to be over so he could move. This time, it's great to tell the person to move out even if it means you've no one to share your rent with you. I'm a little tired of roommate. This one was me not being smart. i shouldn't have let him move in the first place. But oh, i saw the opportunity to save $525 this month and in the end, there is no savings. Right now, i pray he finds a place and gets out of here. Of course after coming across his kind, i'll stick to my usual 'type' when it comes to roommates.
If i do decide to look for a roommate, i'll be more careful, patient and selective. Although i can't wait for my lease to be over so i can move. The neighbors upstairs are noisy.

If it looks like a duck

Now my new roommate is someone i wouldn't have allowed to move in if my head was functioning. But in the name of saving a little bit of money, i let the this person move in. Honestly, my old roommate was better. Granted he made me uneasy among other things but he was ok.
This one acts like a child. He actually appears childish but reason demands that he has to be older. i guess reason is wrong. i had him borrow my NOT lamp when he moves in. Asked him to return it and he said he will return it monday. Yesterday, i wake up to find a box in front of my door. he did go to ikea to buy it and he placed the box in front of my door. So i place it in front of his door informing him i can't assemble it and i don't want something new to replace the old thing i have. he writes an extensive note which i really didn't read in detail saying as a sublandlord, i'm required to provide light. Huh, i never said that to Jenny when i moved into to monument and the person who lived here never said that to me but that could be because they grew up in baltimore so they know how things work.
So anyway, i told him he can take his lamp and i'd like for him to move out. Yes, it'll be my loss but after hearing his attitude with the comcast CSR when i put him on, i realized he's not what he seems to be. He got the nerve to ask me for the last 4 of my SSN and i told him i wouldn't tell him because it's personal. When he asked me to tell the CSR that he's authorized on the account, i told the CSR all i want is for him to add the digital cable and not to be authorized on the account. I said that only because of the behavior he'd exhibited with the customer service person. i'm glad i made that judgement.
i was thinking to myself i'd like to not have a roommate next year. I did consider for a moment that i shouldn't have allowed him to move in when he did. I wish i'd acted wisely but there's no need crying over spilled milk. I'm glad he's moving out. locked him out of the internet and he started acting childish, saying "i'm going to play loud music" which he did and being loud. He really reminded me of Sade. I'm really forcing myself to not think that nigerian kids who're brought up here are all one and the same. I was really forcing myself not to think like that but after standing next to him when he said he wanted to copy the note i wrote and had him signed, he smelled like he'd smoked something. Just like Sade. Looks like they're one and the same afterall.
The big lesson? I should've waited upon the Lord to give me a good roommate.

White Flag

So i think i threw in the towels yesterday or saturday. i studied chapter 7 of TBR gen chem II and then i gave up. I'm scoring 7s on the VR tests i've taken so far. i was scoring 9 earlier but still that is low. i'm not sure how i was going to raise that to a 12 or 10 by september. now that i put down 10, that's actually doable. But what about bio? i've not touched much of bio since early july. Thing is those who took it in june screamed genetics and 7/29 people where typing "GENETICS, GENETICS, GENETICS" all over the place. i purchased the schaum's book and i've not had the time to go through. Nova helped with physics, gen chem i feel ok save for acid/bases. orgo i feel fine, besides, most people keep getting one passage per exam and most say it's not that bad. I feel like i spent more time trying to master orgo and neglected bio.

All in all, i've EK bio 1001 to go through, i went through 4 passages per certain chapters but that was back in june. i've only done 4 gen chem topicals. i've done a good amount of EK 1001 orgo and a few gen chem and lately some physics. i've done a good amount of TBR chapters, mostly phase one which has been lately. For the ones i did in late july, i haven't even gone back to do phase II a week after as recommended. I'm still a little fuzzy on physics though i feel like NOVA helped a great deal in helping me gain intuition and understanding it and i can see the results when i do the EK physics now, i'm doing great. But i still have like 95% of TPR Sci wrkbk to go through. I've topicals, sectionals and discretes,subject tests and FLs to do. i've TBR phase II and III to finish, along with their CBTs. I've EK 1001s to go through, along with the 30minutes. Plus the AAMC.

Bottom line, i've a lot of stuff that needs to be done in so little time. I do have a one week vacation coming up. The question is do i know the stuff like the back of my hand? I'm not well prepared.

I had a plan. i stuck to it, not completely, but i think i followed it closely. In hindsight, i didn't follow the plan. i didn't stick to it. I kept tweaking along the way. Things came up. I had to read NMR and the COOH from the textbook because i didn't know it. In hindsight, i wish i'd studied when school was in session instead of trying to go through EK part of the time.

It's not that i didn't invest a lot of time into this. God knows i did. Worst case i did 12hrs a day. My plan was 16 but 12 hrs x4 is about 48hrs a week, not including the few 1 or 2 hrs i did on days i had to work or the more hours i put in on days when i got cancelled. So it's not about me not investing the time. What is it then? What did i do wrong? what did i not do? or what did i not do right? i think the last 3 questions are one and the same.

Only think i can think of is the fact that i'm ill-prepared. i did not stick to the plan completely. But plans are meant to be tweaked a little so they can adjust to circumstances.
Maybe it's my lack of confidence, and my self-doubt that's doing me in. Frustration, doubt, despair, self-reliance. Maybe that's my flaw. There are so many things to weigh. do i suck it in these last couple of weeks and flunk? do i suck it in for the last couple of weeks and really get a miracle that makes me excel? what if that doesn't happen, then i'll have wasted even more time. Looking at it from this point, i wish i'd studied for the stupid precalc thing in that case i could've taken calc I this summer while stuyding for the alternative. I'd have made more money by not taking time off in june, by not asking to be cancelled at times when it wasn't my turn. Money and time spent driving here to study, going to bn to study, buying a drink and/or cookie while i sat there. Lord, this is so........... i don't know what word to put down.

So what happens now? I've not given up on taking the exam. Absolutely not. A coworker asked me what i did yesterday and i mentioned sleeping, going to the mall and watching tv shows. She asked "you didn't review?" i responded i was too tired. A patient asked have you taught about further your career to become a doctor? i told him that's what i started as but i changed to nursing. His response was don't give up on your dream. So, i'm going to take the kaplan online FL since i'm going to lose them anyway in november. see how i do. It's not like i've done terrible on the kaplan topicals. On the contrary i've done very well. i think TBR is my confidence killer. i even do good on the TPR workbook. so i'll decide by the end of this week on what to do. I'd rather do this right than go in ill prepared.

LIS took this exam last fall and felt ill-prepared so he voided and studied for however many months, doing 40 FLs to score a 40. i know he did the sci wrkbook and recommends doing that and then a third of TBR. So, while i feel awful, i know people who've studied hard and flunked, studied harder again and flunked, i can actually think of one. So, instead of rushing in and making 20s, i think i'd rather go in prepared.

I'm not giving up on my dream. No, when it comes to that, i'd rather try and try again and again than just look from a distance and give up. I'm just trying to push it back and prep harder. I just hope i have the same drive.
Now that brings up a lot of stuff like what do i do this fall, do i take histo, do i take the remainder of august to prep for the alternative and test out of precalc. Do i take calc instead of histo or both? do i look or a RA position. Which reminds me i'm supposed to go talk to some doctor for a recommendation. So many things to think about and decide.
Lord Jesus please guide me in making the right choices.