JSTP recession

Coppin held a recession for their JSTP students. I do have to say that while i've seen some of the students complain, i think the school appreciates their students, they appreciate the efforts of the faculty and students and when the initiative is started, they're proud of it and go on to support it.
All in all, it was a great event and i'm happy to have been a part of it.
I did fine with my poster presentation. It's my first but i hope i'll have more to come.

Of honorable mention, they did award us. A certificate of recognition from coppin, a medallion, and an award from the Governor, yes, the governor of Maryland.

What's better, Sam walks over to tell me the guys from Hopkins wants to talk to me because they have a research opportunity for me. Fred had blurted out as i walked across that my nickname is "energy". Anyway, the man told me he thinks i'll be perfect for his lab, the "energy" was what caught his attention. Thank God for that.

I got to meet tons of people, formed new relationships and again, i'm happy to have been a part of it.

Among other news, i showed up to the prayer center this morning. It turns out theres a different door which i'd missed the first time i tried to go there. Met great people and they were all nice. Actually hanged out with them till after 11. Oh well, i need to read EK bio 3 and maybe turn in.

1 month hiatus.

last time i studied was on 3/12. i think i've studied afterwards but i've been stuck on optics and bio 1 since. Back to the books it is.

Back to Reality

I feel fine. I'm over stuff, i think. Work last night was amazing. 4 patients, not much to do. Thank God because that was a miracle.

I have gotten my head together. Sad news is i blew an entire month on nothing. Good news is I'm back to myself and i can't wait to hit the books.
From the look of things, i may need to push the exam back, Again! That part is a little depressing.
Oh well, everything has it's price and that includes foolishness.

Confessions of a shopaholic

First of all, a moment of silence for my kindle. Got to city line last night only to find it dead. It will be dearly miss. That said, i just called amazon when i got home today and they're sending a replacement. Should get here by tomorrow.

That said, i have to say there's something about center city philly that makes me feel at home and just puts my fears to rest. That's something about going to Daffy's that excites me. Now i shop and i have to say i've blown more than fifteen hundred shopping this past couple of weeks. I don't get as thrilled walking into a shop in MD as i do when i walk into one in philly or jersey. Not sure what exactly it is.

Either way, I'm soo glad i went out of town. Got up yesterday, laid in bed for 5 hours and finally decided rain or shine i was going to go. They'd predicted rain and the funny thing is at no point did i experience rainfall. it may have poured while i was Daffy's but it was dry when i came out. Thing is i feel better. Yesterday when i was driving up i thought 'it hurts. it cuts like a knife.' I tear up know just thinking about it but i think i'm getting over it. Spent the major part of yesterday morning reading several pothead boyfriend stories and the general consensus is to ran.

Being up north helped to take my mind of things. And it made me realize that as much as it hurts, it's really for the best. i'm actually wondering if it's love. I think it just pains me that i can't be with someone i thought i wanted to be with. I'll miss certain things. In reality, i need to focus. Just heard on Castle that if you wanna get to the top, you can't take anyone with you. Back to old times i guess. Back to studying for the exam.

Lord, i'm a pathetic Shopaholic that needs you. I need a savior.

moving

It hurts and there's been tears. But i've had time to think it through and if i'm being blown off for it now, then the best thing I can say to me is 'ran'. I've learned in life that loving someone doesn't necessitate the need to be with them. Sometimes it does but i think love just ain't enough. I'm going to need time to move on and feel strong. But i've had all the time to think it through and i know for certainty that it's best for me to walk out now.

I've been so happy the last few weeks. I've been, what Grace calls it, 'blooming'. It's been showing on my face and everyone tells me. But who needs a heart when a heart can be broken? Breaking up is never easy but i have to go...knowing me, knowing him, it's the best i can do.

what am i doing today? My little girl turned 1 and i missed it. I've been so distracted to call up and check on her so i think i'll go shopping and stop by. So long as the rain doesn't come down this morning. I don't think i've got the money to waste shopping considering all the hefty purchases i made last month but then again, i may be saving $200+ on international calls this month so i think i can afford to go to Daffys and try on some clothes. And i'll also make extra on this weeks paycheck. I don't call it shopping, I call it therapy. Funny thing is i've never needed to get over anyone because well, i've never cared to give a heart. This time, i did

Two week emotional hiatus

So i was supposed to spend this time blogging about how i'm doing things right this time studying for the exam and today i told a friend in the bus that i think i prolly should've gone ahead and taken cell bio simply because i haven't accomplished much this year. I'm behind on studying for the exam and i've a lot of catching up to do in terms of research at the NIH. That part is almost over, thank God. I love being there but the drive to and fro kills.

My last post was a l'il over 2 weeks ago. what's happened since that time? Well, i've been listening to Queen's break free simply because i realized I've fallen in love for the first time, this time i know it's for real....I've fallen in love, yeah, God knows, God knows i've fallen in love. It's strange but it's true, i can't get over the way he loves me like he does but .... i want to break free.lol
So yeah, i've been distracted. It took 2 years for what's his name to finally get through to me and when i did, i didn't feel this way. My heart was starting to get in it when i freaked out and backed out (plus i went out of the country). this time it is and it sux. I try to guard my heart above all things and i don't know if i let my guard down or i just can't the feeling any longer. The fact that i feel this way makes wanting to break free hurt. Brings tears to my eyes because i want to walk away from someone i actually have feelings for and it hurts, period. Hurts a lot and makes me ask why i'm doing this to me but i think it's for the best.

Maybe i'm being selfish. Maybe, i'm an emotional mess that needs to sort myself out. Maybe it's a little bit of both. Or maybe, it's really something i found out about him that's a dealbreaker for me. My heart is going to break if i walk away but i think i'll get over it. Heck, it breaks my heart to even think about walking away but I think this is what's best. I've 3 or 4 years of craziness ahead of me. Gosh, i'd hate to tell someone i don't want to start a family till at least after clinical year. I'd hate to have someone wait for me. And i'm not sure i can get involved in a LDR. They say there's a danger in loving somebody too much and it's hard when you know it's your heart you can't trust. I'm not sure how i feel about my heart but i've always told myself when not to follow my heart when it comes to relationships. The fact that you love someone doesn't mean you have to be with them. I'd rather be friends than lose a friend in the long run. Sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Anyway, i'm an emotional trainwreck right now. I'm not even sure how it's possible to fall in love with someone i haven't seen in a decade. Somewhere, somehow, i hope what i'm feeling is just a girl meets boy thrill. BUT there's this dealbreaker and it makes me KNOW it's better walking away now than later.

I've a bottle of KR in my hand, no glass. don't think i can drink the whole thing tonight but since i couldn't soak myself up in a warm bath, all i feel like doing is laying here and drinking it. Also have a cake sitting in the kitchen. At least i'm not chewing my nails and eating chocolate like it's going out of fashion.